Do you ever feel bad for being upset with family? Like, they are a good family as far as families go, but they make you feel like absolute crap or make you feel like you’re the problem in every scenario. My story isn’t really a sob story, but it might sound like one if you don’t know me personally.
I’ve never been the shining star in my family. I am 30 years old, working at a bakery and as a nanny with no degree. My siblings are both college graduates and have jobs in their career field. I’m very proud of them and the things they have accomplished, but it makes me feel small sometimes knowing that I’m older than both of them and still have nothing to bring to the career table. I’m not unhappy with my life, but a lot of people will compare my success to my sister’s and act like I should be unhappy with it.
I am currently in school for my undergraduate after coming out of a divorce. Being in school doesn’t really mean that I have a clue what I would like to spend the rest of my life doing. I’m not one of those people who sees home ownership, career, and marriage as success. Maybe others do, and that’s awesome, but it’s just not me.
My family means well, but I can’t help but feel like they are disappointed in me for not being career and goal oriented. I would love to be a super motivated person, but I’m just not if I have no interest.
I really just want them all to know that I’m happy with where I am. Not that I want to stay there, but it would be nice to celebrate the small things in the journey to get where I want to go. I just really wish I didn’t feel so down about my accomplishments.
I honestly don’t know if I’m just being mopey or if I have legitimate reason. I’m just at the point now where I can barely tell my family about my dreams without getting shut down or given all the “realistic” lecture points. I’m not stupid, I just like to dream, but apparently I shouldn’t because I’ll just get torn down anyway.
So want this tangent boils down to is that I think it’s bullshit that I have to feel like I don’t measure up just because I’m different. I have spent many nights in tears because I feel like nothing is ever good enough for them, but I’m done with that now. I shouldn’t have been trying to make them happy in the first place. I hope one day I will feel more accepted for me rather than who they think I should be.
I’m Done – Me
Sugar Bisghetti 